Guide on how to return to dating and dating apps

Did you delete the apps vowing to never return but have changed your mind (for the umpteenth time!)? Or just been out of the dating game for a while now and need a refresher (what’s flirting again?)?

If you can relate, then don’t worry because we’ve got you covered with our step-by-step dating guide to help you get back out there. 

Step 1. Sort your dating profile out

Either make some updates to your current profile, or create a new one (Elate has a brand new profile look, so make sure to check that out!). 

Using old, pixelated photos and boring bios aren’t going to get you many matches tbh, so now is the time to take some hot new shots and make your bio as memorable as possible (bonus points if you don’t reference covid and/or lockdowns).

Tips for choosing the right dating profile photos:

• Keep group photos to a minimum, no one has the time to work out which one you are, so never use them for the first two photos.
• Don’t use any photos that are over two years old, it’ll only start your date off on the wrong foot if you look like a completely different person IRL.
• No Snapchat filters… people want to see what you really look like, not how you’d look if you were a cat.‍‍

‍Read on here for our full list of do’s and don'ts for choosing your dating profile pictures.

How to create a bio that’ll get your matches talking:

• Do. Not. Leave. It. Blank. Read that again for us. Yes, it’s hard to come up with a bio, but it should be! The rewards of interesting matches will make it worth your while.
• If you only receive boring messages like ‘hey’, it usually means you don’t have anything interesting in your bio. Use your bio to give people something to work with, this way you’ll see more interesting messages that instantly make it easier to get the conversation going.
• Good looks aren’t everything, your bio has to show off your personality! Give people a reason to match with you.
• Avoid the cliches and don't make it too general in order to make yourself stand out. (Check out which cliches we’re talking about on our blog). 

Step 2. Remind yourself how to hold a conversation

We’re all a bit out of practice when it comes to chatting up a potential partner. Our social lives have been basically non-existent (and no, work drinks over Zoom do not count). 

To avoid those awkward silences and conversations based only on ‘what a year it’s been’, we’ve got some message openers, conversation starters for a date and things to avoid to help you prep.

How to message someone first on a dating app:

• So you’ve got a match, but you’re not quite sure what to say. Firstly, see if their bio offers anything interesting you can ask about.
• Another approach is to ask them a this/that question to get the conversation started. You could pick a show you’re interested in and ask something like ‘Jon Snow or Khal Drogo?’ to see if they’re on the same wavelength.
• For more ideas and some more inspo, read on here.

Conversation starter ideas for IRL dates, and what to avoid:

Once you’ve levelled up and got a date in place, try to have some conversation ideas in mind in order to avoid any awkward silences. 

• Questions are always a go-to, as it shows you’re interested in getting to know your date. Don’t go overboard though, you don’t want it to feel like you’re interviewing them! Here’s a list of 160 question ideas to ask on a first date (don’t use them all, obviously.)

• Certain topics are better left unspoken about on first dates, including talking about your ex, bringing up sex too early on, and your long dating checklist. First dates are all about getting to know the person, so just enjoy yourself and see what happens. 
• Read on for what to avoid on a first date. 

Step 3. Planning the date

Once you’ve got yourself a date (and done a little celebratory dance) it’s time to start planning for the main event. 

First off, you’re going to feel slightly nervous about going on a date again, which is completely normal. But if you’re feeling really anxious, take a read of our blog on how to deal with dating anxiety to help calm the nerves.

Date ideas now lockdown restrictions have ended:

• We’re British, we love a pub. So if your favourite date is a simple pub garden, then you’re in luck because London is full of them. Time Out has some pretty good suggestions.
• Enjoy a classic picnic date. Read our full blog on how to create the perfect picnic here.
• For those who’ve had enough of the pubs already (weirdos) and are looking for something a bit different, why not try a museum or gallery? Cinema’s and zoos are open again too. 
• Read on for some more exciting date ideas in London for all the inspo you need.
  

BONUS. The Do’s and don’ts on how to behave on a date

Now down to the more serious stuff, because making a good first impression on a first date is no laughing matter. If you want to increase your chances of bagging a second date, follow these simple rules.

• Remember your manners‍

Manners say a lot about a person, so being polite and respectful is one of the most important things to get right on a date, especially if it’s your first. From the simple ‘please’ and ‘thank you’, to being respectful to the waiter, these are all good signs that your date will pick up on.

• Be honest

Honesty is the best policy, especially when it comes to dating. If you’re not feeling it, as daunting as it might feel, just let them know. If you ghost them, we will have to disown you, soz. And if you know what you’re looking for, make sure you’re on the same page. That way you won’t be wasting your time or theirs. 

• Offer to pay

We’re not going to get involved in the ‘who should pay for the date’ saga, but what we will say is it’s always nice to offer. Never go on a date expecting the other person to pay, that’s gross.

• Don’t be late

This may be the most obvious, but also one of the most important. Waiting for a date to turn up can be super nerve-wracking, almost as bad as waiting for an interview. And there’s always that annoying little voice telling you that you’ve been stood up. So if you are expecting to be a little late, do the nice thing and drop them a heads up.  

• Don’t just speak about yourself

We hate to be the ones to break it to you, but your date probably doesn’t care about how all three of your lockdowns went. Don’t chat too much about yourself, instead ask interesting questions (do some research beforehand if you’re not good at improvising) and actually listen to their answer. Read that last bit again. 

• Don’t overthink it

And there we have it, your ultimate guide to dating IRL. Still here? We’re proud of you, and we’re sure you’ll smash that first date after a year out of practice. 

If you have any other tips you’d like to share, or any other specific questions you have about the daunting world of dating, feel free to get in touch! Email us at hello@elatedate.com.

Happy dating,

Team Elate x